I hope you continue to be safe and healthy, despite uncertain times and unhealthy air quality due to regional fires. We now mark six months since the initial shelter in place order was enacted. Despite months of reduced activity, it still seems like the year is flying by.
Each of us has been affected by this pandemic, though each potentially very differently. Some people have lost loved ones, jobs, or personally experienced Covid-19. Others have been able to maintain work schedules, pivoted their businesses, and enjoyed more family time. Regardless of your particular experience, we all are living with a lot more uncertainty and a lot more instability. Like the stages of grief, I have been thinking about some of the stages I’ve lived through in the last months and thought you may be able to relate.
Avoidance.
Also known as the consuming carbs, sugar, and wine phase. Depending on your level of avoidance, you may experience this phase for a couple of weeks, a couple of months, or you may find yourself still living in it.
Connection.
This stage is full of Zoom happy hours, Zoom birthday parties, Zoom book clubs, and more Zoom. You’ve upgraded your Zoom account and know how to change your background so it looks like you’re floating in space during your calls.
Have you cleaned your closets? Or have you moved on to alphabetizing your spice rack? As Olaf says in Frozen 2: “We’re calling this, controlling what you can when things feel out of control.”
Your phone is notifying you that your screen time is up 100% from the last week. This is the over-consumption of news or Fear phase. Whether you are afraid and you consume articles to see how bad it is, or you read articles and then become afraid, this stage is legit. Sometimes it is paired with anxiety, sleeplessness, and a reversion to Stage 1 (carbs, sugar, and wine).
This stage is full of car parades for birthdays, graduations, anniversaries or any cause for celebration. You’ve purchased pom poms for your car to show your spirit, and pens to write on your windows for the celebrant. Damn Covid-19, you’re going to find reasons to celebrate.
When is this year going to be over? What else can possibly go wrong, and how much more can we take? These are questions that indicate you are in the Anger/Frustration stage. For me, most of these questions are answered with “I don’t know” which is a personal challenge as I am a Type A Control Freak (in a good way!) who is now learning to live with a lack of planning or certainty. Many things certainly are out of our control these days.
You’ve organized your entire home – maybe more than once – and now it is time to take some control of yourself. In this stage you may find yourself starting a juice cleanse, swearing off all things from Stage One, or signing up for online fitness classes.
This is a tough stage and one that you can move into and out of frequently. It can be brought on by various situations or seemingly nothing at all. Sometimes it feels okay to sit with it, and sometimes you have to push through it.
Whether you’re a parent trying to navigate managing school and work this year, or a citizen trying to understand the hospitalization, infection, and death rate statistics, or anyone trying to predict what the next 6 months will look like, there is plenty of confusion to go around.
Oh, my favorite stage. This is not meant to be the final stage, but one you may catch glimpses of throughout your week. Acceptance doesn’t mean we’re okay with these circumstances, it is a recognition that things are beyond our control. It is the knowledge that sometimes we need a little patience and grace, with ourselves and with others. Gratitude may shine for a moment as you appreciate your health, a family game night, a (masked) walk with a friend, or a hug from your child or spouse. It may be a moment of acknowledging that these are tough times, and we’re all doing are best to live through them.
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